i’ve always been a naturally-anxious person. I would worry, overthink, and take things personally to the max capacity. things overwhelmed me that didn’t seem to bother my sisters. other people’s emotions (or the emotions I perceived) would really affect me. the tiniest things would send me into a spiral.
my mom - bless the woman - knew this about me and put me in swimming when I was very little. (she also has a gift for modeling emotional awareness - she instilled the art of identifying our emotions, understanding others’ perspectives, and advocating for what we need from a young age in us three girls.) my mom gave me an incredible set of tools - and a healthy, meditative, physical outlet - to work through my spinny brain and for that I will be eternally grateful to her.
but when I went to college, I stopped swimming. and I did fine - college was fun. but i didn’t take very good care of myself, and mentally I could feel it.
then I went into the working world as a teacher. and I did better, mainly because I loved the kids, I flourished with a set schedule, and I found a local swimteam. I felt better, but not great.
but four years later, i left my teaching job and I took my business full time, working for myself at home. by losing the school day, I completely lost all structure and my days were free to spend as I pleased - which had sounded so appealing. but a year and a half into this, my productivity was at an all time low, and both my weight and self-doubt were at at all time high. my anxiety was absolutely crippling. what was wrong with me?
long story short, everything came to a head and I had an epic, ugly meltdown that lasted the duration of two flights, a layover, the car ride home, and the rest of the evening on the kitchen floor. (affectionately known as The Meltdown of 2017.)
i needed to make some changes. I needed to create my own structure.
I then did a deep dive into lifestyle choices to naturally manage (and thrive with) anxiety. (and, as you can imagine, there are no less than a bajillion suggestions out there.) I learned about INFJs, Highly Sensitive Persons, Enneagram 4s, Empaths, allllll the things - which in itself was very healing. nothing was wrong with me - I just needed certain things to feel my best.
and from there, I started prioritizing those certain things and I felt so good. and once I knew how it felt to feel that good, I could never go back. i built routines to automate these things, and because my routines aligned with my priorities, very little motivation was needed to stay consistent. wanting to feel my best was all I needed to keep going.
and each year gets better and better as I learn more about my needs and adjust my choices as needed. this has been a slowwwww - yet sustainable! - journey. my road to get here was bumpy, but I’m so glad to be where I am today. and I’m so glad KK gets to grow up seeing her mom take care of herself.
here’s my list of things that make me personally feel my best. a list of my favorite routines, systems, and choices. you do whatever works best for you.
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