edited to add: this post and this photo are some of my favorite places to start. I’m also enjoying this book, this book, this book, and this book currently.
while the latest buzz word “self care” kindaaa makes me cringe (something about its implied frivolity, I guess), I recently had a friend say, “why? you’re the best at prioritizing self care. you’re kinda a diva and you set boundaries like no one I’ve ever seen, but, man, do you get sh$% done.” which got me thinking about alllll the unglamorous (and some a teensy bit more glamorous), memaw-ish things we prioritize in our household. pair that with the fact I recently asked on instagram more posts y’all would like to see, and a number of people asked - in differing verbiage - how we make it happen.
I ask myself, “What makes me feel my best? what am I doing and what does it look like?”
based on my answer, I can start to figure out who I am, what I need, and what I should prioritize (bc everyone is different). before I get too much into what works for me, you must know I consider myself to be a fairly anxious person. if there’s something to worry about, I got it covered. when I’m not taking care of myself, I worry and spiral and doubt and second guess HARD. (however, when I am taking care of myself, my anxious mind instead propels me into a productive, I-can-do-anything person. hence the largeeee emphasis on self-care in our household.)
i’m also the most textbook case of an INFJ, HSP, Enneagram 4…all the good stuff that means I can be relatively creative + intuitive, but am very sensitive and need time to recharge - too much prolonged external stimuli leaves me a strung-out wreck. my husband is a champion at both understanding and guarding this.
right now, I feel my best when I swim, when I say no, when I have a menu plan, and when my home is both clean and cozy. I also try to prioritize time for ample rest (and time with brett), plenty of smoothies, good skincare, lots of water, and long dog walks. I love citrus scents, hot tea, plenty of produce, turquoise jewelry, and eating at home. what makes you feel your best?
I like to also ask, “when do I not feel my best?” it’s extremely helpful, too! I find I get triggered when I’m not resting enough, when I don’t have a purpose, when I’m not swimming, when I don’t have clean clothes to wear (and similarly, I hate not knowing when laundry will be done), when we’re flying by the seat of our pants for meals, when I’m not tracking our budget, when brett and I don’t get time together, when I’m driving all over town for mindless errands too often, when my skin is dry+red, when I have too many obligations crowding my calendar, when I’ve overcommitted to things, when I have dirty dishes piled in the sink, when I’m not home enough to recharge, when I watch too much TV, when I’m under overhead ceiling-fan lighting (weird, but true), when there’s a heavy presence of scented candles, and when I’m eating a lot of processed snack-y foods. to name a few, ha. do any of these make you feel yucky, too?
I prioritize the things that make me feel good. Makes me a better wife/business owner/everything.
once I’ve identified my priorities, I add these things in my life and, when applicable, implement routines into our day/week/month to ensure these priorities happen consistently. I believe that your calendar, your budget, and your home should reflect your priorities. take a look at yours - is it a good, accurate snapshot of what makes you feel good? (and here’s a fun read on different routines you should start.)
for example, I only take a certain number of weddings a year, I do not accept every invitation, I signed up for a budgeting software, I created a grocery budget that left room for plenty of weekly produce, I joined a swim team, I rarely stay up past 10PM, I donated alllll my jewelry that wasn’t turquoise, and I hung all our dog-walking goodies in the garage. I hung up all my swim towels in a convenient spot. I set a dog walking alarm on my phone to remind me and Brett to get off the couch and outside to move and communicate. I prep all produce on Meal Prep Monday so that we’re more likely to eat it and I’m less likely to grab packaged snacky foods. I do laundry every Friday (because eliminating the drama and knowing it’ll get done on a certain day IS SO FREAKING LOVELY) and I fill three 32-ounce tumblers with water every morning. I fill alllll the diffusers in our home with orange citrus oil every morning - simply because I love the scent - and we started putting away $27 a month so that we could both get our cars indulgently detailed every May because few things make you feel as put together as a clean car.
If you’d like to have direct links and/or more clarification on how these priorities look in our daily/weekly/monthly/yearly schedule, click to read my Routines post.
we also joined a Tea of the Month club (this one) because we both love to try hot tea together and we love it after our nightly dog walks (or when we’re both working from home) - I even got an over-the-door rack in our pantry for our tea goodies, and it makes us so happy when we see it. plus, a favorite form of self-care might be a hot cup of tea made justtttt the way you like it from a cute husband. just saying.
I also consider the routine of meal planning to be a form of self-care because I feel better when I’m not randomly guessing what the dinner situation is - and because self-care is also taking care of our future selves. (similarly, having a budget provides the same amount of calm.) and since a clean, neat house is a high priority for us both, we have a housekeeper come weekly - but, to afford this, we cook from home more (again, YAY meal planning) instead of splurging on frequent eating out.
also, as a side note, as an entrepreneur, I thrive on routines to minimize my decision fatigue. basically I want to use my mental energy for business decisions, not “when am I going to have time to go to the grocery store this week?” routines mean I know I’ll be at the grocery store on Monday mornings, no mental capacity or overthinking needed. that right there is the best self-care.
(here’s a separate post soon on all my different routines so that I won’t bore you with them here.)
and then I ask, “Now that I’ve figured out what’s important, what are things I can do to protect it?”
but, the gist is this. you should be in charge of your calendar, not the other way around. i say no to a lot of invitations, collaborations, and opportunities so that there is space for my values. my time is important, just like yours - don’t mindlessly give it away. when I aggressively protect my time, I am my absolute best self since I have plenty of time for my priorities, for myself, and my business/family/home.
for example, swimming (or participating in some kind of movement) is very important to me. (if I’m not able to swim, I enjoy walking, short strength videos at home, Peloton spin classes at home, and yin yoga with at-home videos or at local studios.) I make sure I move four to six times a week for twenty to fifty minutes at a time (when i’m in that habit, my worrying dissipates almost completely). although I need movement for my mental health, it’s also where I recharge and get my best ideas, so it’s so important to me to prioritize this. to help protect this priority, I joined a Masters Swim Team to get both accountability and a community, and joined the Peloton app for when I need to work out at home. . I also leave my bag of swim equipment in my car, I keep my gym bag (for the goodies like towels and wallet) in a hallway dresser closest to the back door, and I hang all my swim towels on hooks near the back door. makes it more difficult to come up with excuses (and again - the whole does-your-home-reflect-your-priorities thing). we hung up all dog leashes and set a dog walking alarm on my phone so that, at the bare minimum, we get out and walking together every day (also fulfilling my “I feel my best when Brett and I spend time together.”)
Want to know more about how I use the Peloton app with a regular spin bike? Hop over to my Routines post.
or, back to the grocery store example: grocery shopping one day a week is self-care for me. I don’t want to drive to the store multiple times a week because I hate that kind of mindless errand driving AND I hate dealing with the uncertainty of, “It’s 4PM and I don’t know what we’re doing for dinner.” (goes back to my whole let’s-minimize-household-decision-fatigue.) so, I rarely ever schedule anything Monday morning so that I can keep this routine week after week. (alternatively, when I was teaching full time, Saturday morning was my grocery store routine and I didn’t touch it for anything.)
so there you go. our prioritizing household in a rambling nutshell.
in short:
what makes you feel your best?
how can you prioritize these? what can you add/remove + what routines can you implement?
do your calendar + budget + home reflect those priorities? if not, what do you need to change?
and what are things you can do to protect those routines?
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